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“Bar Child” Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wooden – The Weblog

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This month’s contest featured a drawing by New Yorker cartoonist Jason Chatfield, who joined our judges’ panel to assist choose the profitable entry and 5 runners-up. His drawing is ready in a bar the place a child is sitting on a stool, trying down at his shot glass, and saying one thing to the bartender and different buyer. Jason grew up in Perth, Australia, the place his dad and mom owned a pub, and he mentioned the cartoon is sort of like a journal entry. 

Jason’s authentic caption was, “Depart the bottle.” That’s terrific, if a little bit apparent, and I requested him whether or not he had submitted it to The New Yorker earlier than letting us use it for the CartoonStock contest. He mentioned he did, however The New Yorker rejected it on the grounds that some readers is perhaps offended by the sight of a child ingesting alcohol. Assuming such humorless readers exist, they shouldn’t be allowed to dictate the journal’s requirements. 

A number of of you submitted Jason’s authentic caption as your individual entry, and one in all you modified it to “Simply go away the bottle,” a modification that Jason appreciated. 

Lots of you reworked an extraordinary assertion—on this case, one thing a depressed drunk would possibly say to his bartender—right into a becoming caption that reconciled the 2 disparate components: infants and barflies. 

  • “She acquired bored with making an attempt to alter me.”
  • “After which she simply pushed me out.”
  • “All I need to do is drink and cry.”
  • “Every time, it’s one thing new.”
  • “She mentioned she doesn’t need children.”
  • “I can’t simply crawl again to her.”
  • “Nobody understands me.”
  • “I fell off the wagon.”
  • “I would like a change.”
  • “I’m so wiped.” 

These entries take extraordinary statements and alter them simply barely to deal with the truth that the drunk is a child:

  • “If that’s my babysitter, I’m not right here.”
  • “Don’t inform my midwife I’m right here.” 
  • “Any person name me a stroller.
  • “Any person name me a stork.”
  • “It’s 3 a.m. someplace.”
  • “It’s 5 a.m. someplace.”

The final two captions are practically similar, however the “5 a.m.” joke (which two individuals submitted) is superior as a result of it’s nearer to what individuals truly say to justify day-drinking.

Right here’s the month’s greatest pun (which Bob appreciated): “And for this I gave up free womb and board.”

Right here’s one of the best Jewish joke (which I beloved, partly as a result of it got here out of left subject): “You assume you had a tough day? Ever hear of a bris?”

And listed below are one of the best intercourse/relationship jokes, which I didn’t anticipate in a contest that featured a child:

  • “After which it hit me—I’m sleeping with my mom.”
  • “Why do I at all times go house with an older girl?”
  • “I simply acquired out of a really short-distance relationship.”
  • “Apparently, it was only a playdate to her.”
  • “The place’s the babes?”

Trevor Hoey, a New Yorker cartoonist who helps choose each month’s contest, appreciated this entry, which means that the infant thinks he’s entitled to a reward for doing one thing annoying: “Can I get a beer, for crying out loud?” It would work higher, nonetheless, with out the comma.

This entry jogged my memory of the SNL skits that includes Adam Grossman, the six-year-old Benihana buyer (performed by Jonah Hill) with the soul of a Catskill comic, who’s at all times making jokes he says he doesn’t perceive: “I’m lactose illiberal…and I don’t even know what meaning.”

Listed below are respectable jokes about:

Breastfeeding: “I miss it on faucet.” 

Child method: “One other bottle of white.”

And ensuring the infant method you’ve simply warmed up on the range is just not too scorching: “Don’t shake it or stir it, simply splash it in your wrist.”

I like each these references to Alcoholics Nameless:

  • “I can barely handle the one-step program.”
  • “I’m in a First-Few-Steps program.”

Maybe as a result of this contest straddled two years, starting in December 2023 and ending in January 2024, a few of you assumed the kid is Child New 12 months, the personification of the beginning of the New 12 months:  

  • “The worst half is, I used the hat and sash as collateral.”
  • “It began after I realized I used to be an election 12 months.”

This entry is humorous however doesn’t actually make sense: “I’m not drunk. I’m nonverbal.” How may a nonverbal child say that? Jason identified that the road would work higher as a thought bubble.

All of us beloved this caption—“Would one in all you assist my dad up off the ground?”—partly as a result of it makes the reader think about an individual who’s not pictured within the drawing, and since the thought of a guardian who’s irresponsible sufficient to convey a child to a bar after which get black-out drunk is, in a darkish manner, very humorous. 

This caption means that the infant is unexpectedly nervous about mortality: “One other day nearer to demise.”

And this one means that he’s depressed concerning the considered dropping his standing as an solely little one: “They’re having one other.”

Congratulations to JOE AYELLA, who received the competition with an Oedipal joke: “After which it hit me—I’m sleeping with my mom.” The 5 runners-up are:

  • “Would one in all you assist my dad up off the ground?”
  • “I can barely handle the one-step program.”
  • “She acquired bored with making an attempt to alter me.”
  • “She mentioned she doesn’t need children.”
  • “It’s 5 a.m. someplace.”

Should you who need to see how we made our choices, we recorded the method and posted it right here. And if you wish to pre-order my e-book on the caption contest, and I actually hope you do, click on on the next hyperlink:


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